this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
