did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
