i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
