i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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