He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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