So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
