i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
