What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize