chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
