You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize