we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
