mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Barsexuality is the new black.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize