now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My liver just had a heart attack.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
