Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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