It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
