I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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