Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
