she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
