At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
