also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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