with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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