i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
do herpes really smell.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
