the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize
