Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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