There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
