just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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