I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
