I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
