Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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