For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
