just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
