I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
