try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
