I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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