Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
