I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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