Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
