And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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