A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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