I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
