Do you still have your period?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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