He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Someone shattered a urinal.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
