just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he fucked my hip out of place.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
