Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my being single is dangerous.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
