I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Oh god it's open bar.
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