I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
