According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
