They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Randomize
