hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize