If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
