college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
