From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
