i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
