dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Hippo gnu deer
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
