i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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