Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
