Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
