She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
