I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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