Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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