Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
