Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
