It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
