By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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