I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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