I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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