last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
