I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I pour the whiskey from now on
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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