at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I am one with the molecules
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize