He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize