you guys were way drunker than both of me
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
