Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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