Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
