O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize